Math Pun Enthusiast Gifts

Professor Herman paused when he heard that unmistakable thud - another brain had imploded.

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"This is an octagon after cutbacks."

"Subtract and give me fifty!"

Now Showing. Rated XXX. Rated "XXX"? -- It must be about algebra.

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"I thought you people knew how to multiply."

"There's something different about that crop circle..."

"They're non-identical twins."

She loves to play with string theory.

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

Happy Bifurcation Day,

"We've invented a new quantum microchip and at the same time we haven't."

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'And the actual value of the Hubble Constant is critical to the question or whether our Universe will continue to expand forever, or...POP.'

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

Math Jokes

"Is that it? Is that the Grand Unified Theory?"

"Pi and mash squared please."

People who understand Venn diagrams

Calls of the Wild: Moose Call, Coyote Call and Margin Call.

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

'Your investments aren't under performing, they're just appreciation challenged.'

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'