Math Magician T-Shirts

'Huh! If only it were that simple.'

Librarian: 'Who is putting all the Math books in the Horror section?'

'...Therefore, we're in complete compliance with all federal guidelines.'

Classrooms - 'Math' and 'Aftermath'.

'The path to becoming an astronaut is rougher than I thought.'

Trademarked answer in math class.

'It's not part of his research project - I think it has something to do with his time card.'

'Johannes Kepler's uphill batle'

Accounting department - Number crunching.

'May I be excused? The pressure is getting to me.'

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

'Correct...Now do it again, and this time, with feeling.'

There's supposed to be a fine line between a guess and an educated guess.

'It's a guess. I never said it was an educated guess.'

"We keep Frank around, because if there's a power failure he's the only one who can do anything."

'What is a fifth part of a foot?'

'The numbers aren't working.'

'That's it then - Time is money.'

Why graphs are confusing

Bureau of Rosy Statistics

"New from accounting, sir. Two and two is four again."

'Oh, Wow! You write math books? That's wonderful! Where do you get your ideas?'

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

Ms. Thomas, you'll have to come pick up your son. He's swinging from the chandelier claiming that he can and will divide by zero.

"We had decimals today and I think they've followed me home!"

'Did you know that a spell checker is useless on math word problems?'

Number Phobia.

'Let's see if we could put a spin on it and get the public interested.'

Why should two plus two equal four?

Bad accountants

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'

"It's fuzzy math."

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

Science vs. Literature, an Eternal Battle.

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'