Math Avoider Gifts

'I like unfunded mandates best - you don't have to worry about the math.'

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

"I'm not going to count my blessings on Thanksgiving. I don't do math on holidays."

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

'I'll tell you why math is important - it lets us count the days till school's out!'

The dog that does the homework...

'When it's summer I won't have to do math.'

With three math tests scheduled for later that day,dozens of students suddenly came down with mysterious illnesses.

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'When played backwards these say terrible things like 'do your homework' and 'clean your room.''

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

Sawdust.

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

"Shouldn't you be studying?

'I've been doing well in school lately, so I think I'm entitled to some dumbing down.'

"I virtually finished my homework."

The Procrastinatorium.

'BEWARE OF DOG (eats homework)'

'You're lucky! Your teacher never gives you any homework.'

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

"EINSTEIN! Stop fooling around and pay attention...."

Who...what...why...when...where...whatever...

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

"Hahahaha! Oh, you are hilarious! Help you with your math homework … hahahaha!"