Materialism Explorer T-Shirts

"Well, maybe money can't buy happiness, but I'm willing to try."

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

"I shop, therefore I am."

Czarcasm

"Dad, I checked a book out at the library...can you read it with me?"

'Funny, I thought a near-death experience would be different, somehow.'

"You cheap shit! Why can't we have a designer divorce?"

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

Recession - A Zen Mindfulness Retreat

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

'One day, son, all this will be yours.'

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

"I need a teeny tiny handbag so I don't have to stow away my husband's wallet, phone and reading glasses."

Noah's Arc "And that's when I realized I had two of everything I needed, right in front of me, this whole time."

Descartes's Demon

"I do miss the crystal ball."

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"'Meaning'? Hahahahaha..."

Robert Macaire recieving expensive gifts from his love

Generic Products

"Actually, I don't consider myself to be a have or a have-not. I'm more of a have-to-have."

Astral Projecting Babushkas

Astral Projection Society: In Body....Out of Body.

"My third and final wish is for money and wealth—again!"

Department of Metaphysics.

Antibody Metaphysics. But in a larger sense, aren't we really pro-body?

The Worship of Money

Continental Drift will end in disaster when the Arctic collides with the Antarctic and matter collides with anti-matter and explodes.

"And this is a picture of John when we still had a Lamborghini."

I've got no cell phone, no computer, no grumbling wife, no stupid boss. Feel free to envy me.

New Gods

'I can hear it ringing, so my new super mini-maxi phone must be here somewhere...'