Materialism Explorer T-Shirts

"Well, maybe money can't buy happiness, but I'm willing to try."

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

Czarcasm

"I shop, therefore I am."

"You cheap shit! Why can't we have a designer divorce?"

'Funny, I thought a near-death experience would be different, somehow.'

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

Recession - A Zen Mindfulness Retreat

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

"I need a teeny tiny handbag so I don't have to stow away my husband's wallet, phone and reading glasses."

Noah's Arc "And that's when I realized I had two of everything I needed, right in front of me, this whole time."

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

Descartes's Demon

"I do miss the crystal ball."

Generic Products

Robert Macaire recieving expensive gifts from his love

"'Meaning'? Hahahahaha..."

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"Actually, I don't consider myself to be a have or a have-not. I'm more of a have-to-have."

Department of Metaphysics.

New Gods

Astral Projection Society: In Body....Out of Body.

Astral Projecting Babushkas

"My third and final wish is for money and wealth—again!"

'I can hear it ringing, so my new super mini-maxi phone must be here somewhere...'

Continental Drift will end in disaster when the Arctic collides with the Antarctic and matter collides with anti-matter and explodes.

I've got no cell phone, no computer, no grumbling wife, no stupid boss. Feel free to envy me.