Material Maven T-Shirts

'Mummy, why is lace so expensive when it is mainly holes?'

"It's not cotton, honey. It's nylon quilted to polyester. The leaves and trim are twenty per cent acrylic and eighty per cent modacrylic, and the flowers are acetate. The backing is polypropylene. Go to bed."

"It's not straw - it's rattan."

I lost my wallet here. Could you check lost and found? Sure. What's it look like? Oh, it's leathery, canvas, nylon-ish … blue-black gray-purpley-greenish … it has a Visa-Mastercard-Amex-Discoverish cards and one-ten-fivey dollars in it. I keep an I.D. of a dear friend in it for sentimental reasons. Get out.

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

Drool Marks

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

"Absolutely not!"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

A woman with a novel and poetry handbag.

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

Designer Kangaroo Pocket

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

"So what if people do laugh? The world can use a little more laughter, can't it?"

'Too much for the school run?'

Dolores is so avant garde.

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"I want something in which to vote for Mrs. Luce."

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

The Dandy

THE LANGUAGE OF PROM DRESSES

How to read the dress code?

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

Man admires his Cubist Painting.

'Just tell me. You don't need to drag that out every time I ask how I look.'

'I'm just curious, which one of you was dropped off by their boyfriend on a really fast motorcycle?'