Material Maven Pillows

'Mummy, why is lace so expensive when it is mainly holes?'

"It's not cotton, honey. It's nylon quilted to polyester. The leaves and trim are twenty per cent acrylic and eighty per cent modacrylic, and the flowers are acetate. The backing is polypropylene. Go to bed."

"It's not straw - it's rattan."

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

Drool Marks

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

A woman with a novel and poetry handbag.

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Absolutely not!"

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

"So what if people do laugh? The world can use a little more laughter, can't it?"

Dolores is so avant garde.

'Too much for the school run?'

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

The Dandy

THE LANGUAGE OF PROM DRESSES

"I want something in which to vote for Mrs. Luce."

How to read the dress code?

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

'Just tell me. You don't need to drag that out every time I ask how I look.'

'I'm just curious, which one of you was dropped off by their boyfriend on a really fast motorcycle?'

Man admires his Cubist Painting.

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

World Exhibition - At the Champs-Élysées - from 3 to 6 o'clock, great exhibition of petticoats