Matchmaking Maven T-Shirts

"I just don't need any more bald friends right now."

"Would you like to meet Kate? She's an acceptable risk."

'Dream-dates don't normally go for nightmares.'

Cupid

"Yes, I know internet dates often lie about their age, but they usually take years OFF!"

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

Apples for sale

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"#Win!"

Creative department

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Direct Marketing...

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Business is booming! Come in and see our explosive sales today!"

"I don't have to be a team player, Crawford. I'm the team owner."

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

Corporate Team Building. Team. Hey, everybody, I've just been told our CEO fled the country while we've been doing our truth exercises.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Trade Show Sherpas

'I think it's time to rein in Henderson.'

"Just go with the workflow."

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'