Matchday Die-hard Gifts

"What sports fan are you?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

The commentators want to run the officials...

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

'We're in a hurry.'

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

'The Cup Final's just starting-think I should wake him?'

'If it's a game of two halves, how come you're on your third pint?'

Ref shows footballer green card.

'Let's buy the one that has the game on it.'

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

'I don't think you are going to see the end of this match with that 4-4-2 formation.'

'I know it's an early kick off but this is ridiculous!'

'Structural strength test? Next door!'

"I promised I'd bring him - he could never afford to come when he was alive."

Footballer.

A typical Newcastle fan.

'There it goes, there it goes, there it goes...'

'Yes, he was there his afternoon - that's his balloon floating in the penalty area.'

'These oxygen tanks go with your tickets. Where you're sitting, you'll need them.'

Football today

Football Applause

We interrupt this game because our sponsor has just filed for bankruptcy.

"We'll swop at half time."

The Alter of Football

Football