Match Seller Gifts

"Dad, this is Keith. Keith works in the timber industry."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"You had me at alternative milk."

'I'll take the one on the right.'

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

Isn't there something about this in th Geneva Convention

'You and Phil make a great couple. You're perfect for each other!'

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

Match maker

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'I'll have three of those trout, but throw them to me. . . I want to tell the wife I caught them.'

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"I agree teachers are underpaid, however...."

"Should we have dinner now, or are you watching in real time?"

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

Man saying 'Bless you!' to a Big Issue vendor.

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."