Match Seeker Gifts

"I just wish it wasn't so hard to meet a nice guy with a good sense of humour who believes in all the same conspiracies that I do."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

Sitting in a tree

"If you lied about where you are from, what else have you lied about?"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Baker Romance

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

Message in a bottle being read by a fish

Man browsing books see couple kissing in romance section of book store.

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

'Bearing in mind I'm a man of few words - how much?'

Speed Dating.

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

The Wishing Well

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"Why so grim, handsome?"

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'