Mastermind Wannabe T-Shirts

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"Gabe's in the Guitar Hero program at Juilliard."

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"Mmm, processed food. Just like mom used to microwave."

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

'Our financial troubles are over, Edna. The fellas and I have formed a boy band.'

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

2000 words was tough, but doable. Billy would play the picture paints a 1000 words card, twice!

"Timothy, success is nothing to fear."

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

Bike Wash

The Staff Meeting.

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

Elevator dilemma.

Commercial music

I heard you're on your way to Europe to secure a source of black market hepatitis C drugs. What? What are you talking about? I deny everything. Where did you hear that? You added an airplane pillow, the "German For Dummies," the book "Hep C and You," and "Smugglerco Duffel Bag w/Secret Compartment" to your Amazon wishlist. I ordered you the book "Not Everyone Is Cut Out For A Life Of Crime." I deny everything.

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

Of the seven, which dwarf do you identify with?

"I'll say one thing - you're full of surprises."

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

'Let's just see how long they can stay crouched behind the sofa.'

Caution: Sentence Construction Ahead

'I got to get home quick to hack the principal's email to my dad.'

"I have mess recognition. I show my messy room and my phone knows it has to be me."

Weapon of mass destruction to King's castle gambit

'Looked fine with one head. Besides, two heads are better than one is such a cliche.'

"Finish your homework first, then you can hack into Trump's tax returns."

There are also eurodollars, yen, pesos, marks, francs...

"It's escapism-as-art."

I've had four espresso shots and a red bull. Look out post office, here comes Sadie! Post office? You're fueling up so you have the strength to endure the long lines? Ha. I'm creating the lines. I get to the counter with a stack of complicated questions, then watch the people behind me go nuts with frustration! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!! One of the best maniacal laughs in the business.

"Now the tricky part: getting the original out of the frame and getting mine into it."