Master Of The Redirect Gifts

Jane? It's Lars! I told you never to call me here. At work? On the planet Earth.

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

"Isn't it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air!"

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"I admire your patience, Fred, but c'mon!"

Dogs Bring Slippers.

"Congratulations on your entertaining presentation skills Smith, and the way they hide your dismal sales figures!"

Houdini's infancy.

DIY expert.

"Who would've thought Ms. Marcus had so little sense of humor?"

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"Ha! You mean you've only caught one fish all day?!"

'Your proposal's on my desk right now, though I have to admit, I've made some significant changes.'

Magician conjures up a crocodile and is chased by it

"Nothing in my hat. Nothing up my sleeve. And as of right now, ladies and gentlemen, nothing at all left in my goddamn portfolio."

'Andy, I want you to put on this clown outfit and hand out balloons today.'

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

"Fred is the counterpoint to a perpetual motion machine."

Olde Time Dance Society

"That's affirmative. It smells delicious. Over."

"Careful - it's full of lies."

'What's procrastination?'

'It's our job to keep things at a manageable pace through strategic application of bureaucratic inertia.'

"I've always feared this day would come. I'm running out of snarky replies."

"I survived this long by telling all the young toms that a farmer will bring an ax to cut the fence down and set free the first turkey he sees."

"Oh, I'm sorry - this is George, the first person at this party I thought I was going home with."

'I think he's getting ready to hammer that plug.'

'National hug your mom day!'

Heyyy... where's mine?

"I take the fun out of everything. What do you do?"

"The red tag items go on these shelves...and the blue tag items go on those shelves."

KEYS TO SUCCESSFUL MEETINGS: Don't be distracted by non-essential activities, no matter how much fun they may be.

Houdini's car keys.