Master Of Risk T-Shirts

'It's simple. First we look at the upside. Then we look at the downside. Then we look at the upside-down side.'

British savings accounts

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

Failure/Due Diligence

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

Man's cooking explodes.

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.

"I don't like the look of this."

'Crisis'

Kiss the Commander in Chef

William Tell's lesser-known first son- Stanislaus Tell.

"I know it's a big risk, Fred, but don't lose sight of its strongest selling point: You're taking it, not me!"

Standard And P****d.

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

'I would like to see a little less adventure in this business venture.'

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

"Let it go. You have to learn to pick your battles."

Businessman at the deep end.

"More specifically, we're looking for someone to take care of things that are bound to happen eventually."

Days without an incident.

'Maybe we should've let that one pass.'

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"