Master Of Interviews Pillows

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'Cat job interviews.'

Bad Interview Technique

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

Presenter Auditions.

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."