Master Of Defense T-Shirts

"He tried to attack me with this, but I managed to grab it from him and knock him out before he did me in."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

'Remember me?'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

"It's all a matter of planning...."

Kiss the Commander in Chef

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

Maitre d' to astronaut couple entering restaurant: 'Gravity or no-gravity?'

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

"A table in Siberia, please."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'I hate playing stinkbugs! Every time we press them on defense, they just let 'e rip!'

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

"Is the slop fresh?"

'What do I do for a living?? Isn't it obvious?'

'No tables are available at this time. Would you be interested in take-out?'

Of Congress can't come to an agreement on a spending plan...

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

Hi. Can a maitre d' marry people, like a ship's captain? ? ? Menu.

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

Cat Kung Fu

Stun-gun target practice.

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

'Could you hurry up on that order for table five? -- they're holding the maitre d' hostage.'

'I don't know if I could really do that to a man.'

'He said it could be about 45 minutes, due to the global economic slowdown.'

Sir, they must have known we were going to storm the castle --- It was already weather-proofed!

The Karate Master

'He has a real quiet way about him...until the feed runs out.'

'Mr Thurber, come at me like you're going to sexually harass me!'

"Haven't you heard! There's going to be a bit of a reshuffle!"