Mash-up Humorist Pillows

Mash-test Dummies.

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"Hold it a second. I want to watch this."

Gangsta wrap.

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

Hipster Police Department

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

Shy Man at Party

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

"A spectre is haunting Europe, the spectre of hipsterism."

Fauna Hybrids

"Oh, it's the best thing since small-batch, artisanal, unsliced bread."

"Vinyl records? Actually, wax cylinders are where it's at now."

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

"Oh God, beards are so passe."

Veggie Coffee House. Oh, no, another beet poet.

"My dream is for this work to be crated and stored, somewhere in Singapore... forever."

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

"There's nothing like ballpark sushi."

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, Glenda, but you've been sitting on a golf ball for the last three times."

Piano tuner with an assistant.

"Let's face it, Diana. I'm not good enough for you, and vice versa."

New Year's Resolutions for Angelenos

Little Women in Love in the Time of Cholera

"Frankincense you fool...."