Masculinity Musings Gifts

"You know, Ben, it's really cute how secure you are in your sexuality."

Vendor selling testosterone.

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

Gas: Regular/Hi-Test/Testosterone

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

"Good game.". . ."Good game.". . . "Nice game.". . . "Good game.". . . "I'm in love with you.". . . "Good game."

Harrison Ford, no question. Tom Selleck. Without a doubt. I don't care if they did offer Selleck the role first, Ford was a much better "Indiana Jones." I don't care if they did offer Selleck the role first, Ford was a much better "Indiana Jones." Ford was ok, but his character was less that manly. What are you talking about? That's ridiculous! Harrison Ford was the definition of eighties manliness! You're telling me the "definition of eighties manliness" could run around the world for weeks and

I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.

"Sipsies?"

"Which one more says 'Cool Guy?'"

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's on of those things you always see an alpha male do: stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls.

'Assuming moral absolutes - good dog.'

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

I saw that! Saw what? You just had tears in your eyes. The end of the movie made you cry! Did not. Why not just admit it? What's the big deal? It was a sad movie and you cried. It happens to everyone. You think you're above normal emotions? Are you better than the rest of us?! No. Fine, okay. It was sad. Maybe my eyes were a little moist. Girly man! Look at the crying girly man! Can't win.

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

Crocodile Tie

"...And my Dad never gave me his approval. Which is why I try so had to be a perfect male specimen."

"Look kid, you can't blame everything you do on me."

Men's Fragrances

"Billy's cheating, Susan is lying, Dave, no, that's Gary, no, Bob. Bob's stealing?"

The apocalypse everyone has feared is finally here. Hi, I'm Theron Heir. I write Rudy Park. That's it? A scrawny guy in flip-flops and bermuda shorts, wearing a man-purse? Don't provoke him. Anything can be in that man-purse. I would think the apocalypse would be taller.

'Of course I know the difference between right and wrong! Wrong pays better!'

"Dear, do you think you may have become too comfortable with your masculinity?"

But I think we can agree on the dandruff issue.

"Okay boys, time to maintain a delicate ecological balance between man and beast."

"Real men don't shave, but, if you have to, don't be dainty about it."

Macho fishing.

Many of you were confused about the "Randy's How to be an Alpha" lesson from yesterday: "Live like you've got nothing to lose." You know what? I don't care. If you don't get it, that's on you. If you want to hang out with the big dog, either keep up or get left behind. I hope that demonstration clears up the confusion. If not, I couldn't care less.

"Studly"?

'I tried to get the numberplate PEN 15 but it had gone.'