Marriage Support Pillows

'So, John, you feel you're in an abusive relationship.'

"This isn't working. I'm putting you on a plane back to Ohio."

"It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together."

Marriage Counselors Without Borders

"How does this happen? EVERY time we argue, she makes ME look like the bad guy!"

"So you both think each other is an idiot. . . who said we wouldn't find some common ground?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

Try Mediation

'Great Therapy!'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

"We don't talk anymore."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

'Sigh. . .You work life balance includes me as well you know.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

Behind Every Stupid Man

'King Solomon had seven hundred wives, Ed, and you just have the one. Surely you can work out your differences.'

"I suppose we should start with listening skills!"

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."