Marriage Support Pillows

'So, John, you feel you're in an abusive relationship.'

"This isn't working. I'm putting you on a plane back to Ohio."

"It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together."

Marriage Counselors Without Borders

"How does this happen? EVERY time we argue, she makes ME look like the bad guy!"

"Are there other visual cues you can give your husband when you don't agree with him?"

"So you both think each other is an idiot. . . who said we wouldn't find some common ground?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Try Mediation

'Great Therapy!'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"We don't talk anymore."

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'Sigh. . .You work life balance includes me as well you know.'

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'