Breakup Support Pillows

'Sorry, Marvin, we can never work out. I'm a Pisces, and you're a geek.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

"I can't believe he brought her."

Large Emoticon Collider

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

The prying mantis,

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Blues artis's daily list

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."