Marriage Life Explorer Pillows

'We are gathered here to join the couple in matrimony. Possible side effects include depression, migraine, chronic fatigue...'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"OK, now what?"

"Do you...enter name...take...enter name...to be your...choose one from the pull down menu...click the I do icon now please."

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"I'm going to New Zealand for a walk."

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

"Now give me something intimate to say."

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

Mrs. Almighty.

"I didn't hear the full story, but you came from either the stork or ebay."

'Does it bother you that I use wadded tissues as pillows?'

'We tried marriage your way and it didn't work. Now it's my way!'

Too Weird to Have a Husband

Are we going to raise her as a cat person or a dog person?

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

"Steve and I live together, but we're getting indicted separately."

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

"Don't you think after thirty years of marriage you could stop referring to me as 'the military'?"

"I just feel like we're not connecting."

Cyber Fight

'Will these glasses help him see things my way?'

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

'And do you, Rob, promise to love and cherish Simone, even if she earns more than you do?'