Marriage Hardship Pillows

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Wanna talk about it?

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'Will I still be married?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

Diplomacy

'We don't text anymore.'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'