Marriage Architect T-Shirts

"I love what you've done with him."

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Do I have many meetings today?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

'They call me the 'grandfather' of Hip-Hop!'

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

If I move Jen's ortho to Friday, it conflicts with Sam's clarinet, but I can't move that to Monday because Tina has soccer! Ugh, how do I line this thing up? Rubik's Calendar.

A Woman's Conquests.

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

Playboy has rigged his car with a loveseat

'Motion seconded!' (golfers)

Will build to suit myself.

The only time you are actually too old to follow your dreams.

Diplo

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

Fred, Mozart's equally brilliant, but lesser known brother who was a carpenter and built his first symphony hall when he was three.

'The Thurstons have been working on their marriage.'

Rhode Island School of Desire

"I'm writig a novel using our marriage as inspiration. It's called, 'This Sucks.'"

"My wife finds it natural to nag, so if you hear that I died of natural causes, you'll know why."

"A special offer from the Beatrice Wiggins Marriage Bureau they may be - but I'm afraid it's still bigamy, sir..."

Castle-shaped igloo.

He'd often look back and wonder what went wrong. She'd catch him sometimes and call the police.

"My wife is all in the eye of the beholder."

What is acrimonious Divorce

"I found a way to pay the mortgage. I sold the naming rights to the house."

"I can't play squash tonight, Ed. I promised Linda I'd put in a little Kama Sutra time with her before the opera."

"It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together."

'We have a good marriage, but not a marriage made in heaven.'

"Any New Year's resolutions?" "I'm going to do better." "That's a nice sentiment but a little vague. Without a specific benchmark how'll you know you've met it?" "How'll I know I haven't?" "That's oddly logical." "And achievable."

'Maybe we should think about losing some weight!'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, some assembly required.'