Marketing Aficionado Gifts

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

"Do you use the Internet, mate?"

Innocent Joe Public about to be shot with 'direct response marketing' arrow by ad agency

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Sorry -- The doctor is out -- But we have like 10 influencers available."

'Now that's what I call merchandising!'

'It's about time!'

'Thank you, sir -- would you like to sign up for my mailing list?'

"Unlimited, my foot! - It's only good for a 24-hour period!"

"Talk about micro-marketing. . ."

"Mom, when I was born, did I come with a free tote bag?"

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

Create some buzz!

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

Wall Street Couch

Important Food Groups

"Damnit, executive-trainees don't have 'accidents'."

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

Keeping all the balls in the air - skills

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

The little engine that could delegate.

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

Eat Beef

Gerald Ratner's return