Marketing Enthusiast Gifts

"Not love. Targeted advertising."

"Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor..."

Telesales - "Good evening, could I speak to the dog of the house?"

'Would you like a piece of advice, Mr. Salmonella?'

'It's an exciting new synthesis of the classical sales approach and the miracle of direct mail.'

'Sale: all the stuff nobody else wants.'

'Well, dear... you may be addicted to shopping when your dreams are getting interrupted by commercial spots...'

Why Mr T's Information Technology Company Failed

London Olympics.

"I'm worried. Christmas is still several months away and we haven't received a single gift catalog."

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward. So that comes to fifty cents.'

'I want a campaign that will fol some of the people some of the time and all of the people all of the time.'

STRIP *Shelf Life * "This is the future of pop displays! "

'A $900.00 value, and it's yours free!'

'Well we could either make a massive investment in a new multi-media marketing campaign Or we could ask Edna to stop telling current customers to sod off because she's too busy to talk to them!'

'Thank you, sir -- would you like to sign up for my mailing list?'

Festive aspirin for the holidays: 'They're red and green!'

"We could add a wobbly seat and lid that the idiots, er, customers would think they have to replace - at a premium, of course."

"Some folk just can't resist an offer."

"Is that chum? Do you ever feel like we're being manipulated as consumers?"

"Well...you did say to get a job in advertising!"

"And to all who wondered how we could possibly top our Cup a' Junk, I give you Bucket a' Junk!"

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

'Great ad campaign. Now all we need is a product.'

Agressive Supermarket Sales

Retail sales We don't over use quotation marks

"Teacher, my dad works in advertising. You might want to hire him to help you sell these math lessons."

Niche marketing: House of crap - Sale - 50% off.

'It's a wonderful fire, but the product placement is a little distracting.'

"If the sale was LAST week why still advertise it?"

"And let us acknowledge Fred's cradle to grave brand loyalty."

Maybe I'm just a sucker for marketing, but I think bottled pond scum water really does taste better.

How much are we cutting prices for our grand opening sale? You're missing the point. Sales are about creating mood, giving consumers an exciting new opportunity. They're about the joy of buying, consuming, experiencing the thrill of getting something you really want in a supportive environment. We're actually raising prices. Out way of saying thanks.

Sale. To do this job you just need to follow the old adage and "dance like nobody's watching"!

Three cheers for advertising.