Marital Mender T-Shirts

"I don't know what I ever saw in him. I was hoping a fresh set of eyes might see something I missed."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

Couples' therapy

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

'This rift between you and Dr. Voight has become a chasm.'

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

"Remember, the road to recovery begins with baby steps."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

Wedding Chefs

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

'Would you feel less inferior if I made you a Colonel?'

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

"Don't worry they're all part of my team."

A man sews broken hearts back together.

'We were so attracted to each other - now we're just poles apart'

Well, I feel a lot better - he says there's a method to my madness.

Yes, yes, let your aggressions out, but not here!

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"Well, how can I help cure your severe hypochondria if you keep cancelling appointments due to illness?"

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

Analyst and patient