Marital Escapologist T-Shirts

"You have a right to know—I've been married occasionally."

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats!"

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

Man at Fire Escape sees door with 'Hot Button Issues Escape',

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

'Out of office - Please leave your emails in the inbox next door.'

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

"I am afraid Mr. Jones is in his career coaching session. Can I get him to call you back?"

"If my husband finds out about us. . .listen, we must cover our tracks so well that no one believes that dinosaurs and humans existed at the same time!"

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

Houdini 2019

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

Danny always had trouble with math. (written on board: Ohio is the capital of Wisconsin.'

'Wait for me!'

"I'm un-retiring today. Spending time with my family with hell."

"I'm out if that is a manufacturer."

'Jane It used to be jungle out there'

'Sir! Elsworth's away from his desk again!'

Tortured by music

"Another tiny victory in my never-ending quest for fun."

"The Judge gave me a choice - marry his daughter or go to jail. You're looking at a happy man."

"Are you sure the Russians didn't hack my answers to make me look bad?"

"I fled from suppression, torture, exploitation and bullies."

"Now remember, act normal!"

'The entire building has settled seven inches since the first day of school due to the weight of the students' backpacks.'

Halfway around the learning curve, Bob lets go.

'Not so fast Mr. Smith... you're forgetting the fit note I've filled out for your employer.'

"This is Munch's 'Sent to all by mistake'."

'Murray the magician is not here, he quit in a blaze of glory.'

"How's the divorce going?"

"You haven't said a word to me all night."