Marine Security Gifts

'Hold it, there! Prepare to be boarded.'

The Anti-Agent

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

UK border controls relaxed.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

High security Santa's grotto

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"He's a guard dog."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

How can I enjoy that clean, fresh, salt air when I'm up to my neck in garbage?

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

Moulin Rouge Security

"Beware of Don"

Scarecrows guarding a field

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

Mou...Man trap!

"Plastic straws. No fish were spared in the making of this product."