Marine Security Gifts

'Hold it, there! Prepare to be boarded.'

The Anti-Agent

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

UK border controls relaxed.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

High security Santa's grotto

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

How can I enjoy that clean, fresh, salt air when I'm up to my neck in garbage?

"He's a guard dog."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"I see you've security marked your property."

The Scanner Of Love.

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

Moulin Rouge Security

"Beware of Don"

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

A Little Extra

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

Death to the Extremists

Scarecrows guarding a field

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"We've been cancelled."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

The Best Defense

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

Mou...Man trap!