Manufacturing Guru Pillows

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

The MBA Draft

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

Career opportunities

"Uh-Oh..."

"My best managerial trait is that I dig for answers until I get them between my teeth. My worst trait is that sometimes I bury them."

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

Target your customer.

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

Early Business Planning

"If I seem excited, Mr. Bolling, it's only because I know that I can make you a very rich man."

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'Mom's baking finally allowed us to diversify and greatly increase our neighborhood market share.'

"I think you might need to start again."