Management Guru Pillows

"I like things to be done my way but by somebody else."

Management is all about...

"No, Hoskins, you're not going to do it just because I'm telling you to do it. You're going to do it because you believe in it."

'Now, who owns this project?'

"While you were out, sir, the company, rudderless and adrift, operated pretty much the same as always."

Management self help books: "He's staring at me, do you think he's having some kind of seizure?" "Managing negotiations chapter 3, 'maintain eye contact whilst reinforcing image of strength and warmth'"

'Ted, I think we need to re-evaluate your carrot.'

"We need to eliminate the middleman."

'A good leader can lead them to water, but a great leader can also make them drink.'

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

"Apparently you mistook my laugh of derision for a smile of approval."

'I make a motion that we adjourn and quietly leave the room before we screw this up.'

"This part about accepting the things I cannot change...I want that changed."

'I must say, I do like your incentive program.'

"Don't think of yourself as just another small cog in a vast bureaucratic machine.. but rather as a quite important cost centre."

Whack-a-mole CEO.

Notorious for his eyes in the back of his head Bruno was an effective supervisor.

"Never delegate authority; delegate liability."

Too late to change

"I learned early, if at first you don't succeed, delegate."

'Just reading the minutes back will be sufficient.'

"I'm taking Harvey off Crisis Management."

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

"That's not how we go about filling a C.E.O. position."

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

'I'm here to help, you can tell me anything in complete confidence Jane, Jill...whatever your name is!'

"Well if you don't agree with my count, then you do it."

"The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate you away from those who are still undecided."

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

"Miss Adamson, pluck someone from nowhere and put him in a position of responsibility."

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

Marketing: READY! AIM! FIRE!

Critical Path Analysis.

"Remember little Rosalie? She has twelve people reporting to her now."