Management Guru Pillows

"I like things to be done my way but by somebody else."

Management is all about...

"No, Hoskins, you're not going to do it just because I'm telling you to do it. You're going to do it because you believe in it."

'Now, who owns this project?'

Management self help books: "He's staring at me, do you think he's having some kind of seizure?" "Managing negotiations chapter 3, 'maintain eye contact whilst reinforcing image of strength and warmth'"

"While you were out, sir, the company, rudderless and adrift, operated pretty much the same as always."

'Ted, I think we need to re-evaluate your carrot.'

"We need to eliminate the middleman."

'A good leader can lead them to water, but a great leader can also make them drink.'

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

'By the end of the year, our goal is to have words in these boxes on the left. Next year we plan to have arrows pointing to the boxes on the right, which will have even more words in them.'

"This part about accepting the things I cannot change...I want that changed."

"Apparently you mistook my laugh of derision for a smile of approval."

'I make a motion that we adjourn and quietly leave the room before we screw this up.'

Whack-a-mole CEO.

"Don't think of yourself as just another small cog in a vast bureaucratic machine.. but rather as a quite important cost centre."

'I must say, I do like your incentive program.'

Notorious for his eyes in the back of his head Bruno was an effective supervisor.

"Never delegate authority; delegate liability."

'Just reading the minutes back will be sufficient.'

Too late to change

"I learned early, if at first you don't succeed, delegate."

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

"That's not how we go about filling a C.E.O. position."

"I'm taking Harvey off Crisis Management."

"Well if you don't agree with my count, then you do it."

'I'm here to help, you can tell me anything in complete confidence Jane, Jill...whatever your name is!'

"The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate you away from those who are still undecided."

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

Critical Path Analysis.

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

Marketing: READY! AIM! FIRE!

"Miss Adamson, pluck someone from nowhere and put him in a position of responsibility."