Manipulation Artist T-Shirts

Remember, when life gives you lemons, whine and pout and cry until life can't take it anymore and gives you cookies just to shut you up.

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"Eres la chica mas linda del mundo."

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

'Look a huge bird!'

"I should have know he was a control freak when he seduced me in his signal box."

"A huge breakthrough from our research and development team. . . they've figure out a way to fool all of the people all of the time!"

"Someday all these anonymous accounts will belong to shell companies of which you will deny all knowledge."

"I'm your exit strategy."

Tate Modern: Turbine Hall

'Hold' (an interpretative dance)

"Boy, the eyes really follow you around the room."

Multitasking

'A spin doctor just isn't enough any more, Senator - you need a choreographer.'

'You used foul and offensive language when addressing your computer. Well....we've all done that.'

Hypnotherapy: prices subject to change without conscious notice.

'He's been trying to control the television for years.'

'Wow, now there's a talented mime artist; he really looks like he's falling.'

'I'm in P.R. This is where I keep the spin.'

Sally, Jim - you'll handle daily speech writing. Vince, as usual, will be in charge of attack ads.'

Spin doctor arriving at an emergency.

'It might help with our friends in the media if you hang that upside down.'

'Instead of going somewhere, how about we just Photoshop our vacation this year?'

"You seem to have a certain type of effect on men."

Fishermen with no catches are told that there were lots of fish caught a few days earlier

Bob has the psychic power to convince others that he thinks he's invisible.

'The government focus group found the 'suicide' concept too depressing...so they want to refer to it as an 'after-life opportunities programme'!'

Moving Target

'I made it to the top the old-fashioned way. I recorded my ex-husband's inappropriate remarks, then blackmailed him.'

Ernie McKelvey, moments before his life is touched by scandal.

Which one of you devils sabotaged my television coverage? Randy, I know it wasn't you because you're too stupid to figure that out. Wrong! Really? You fell for that? Stupid, no; egoistic, to a fault.

We've done it. Our fake video of you being nice to Rudy has ruined your reputation. You're a weirdo. Your ratings are booming. Listeners can't get enough. They wonder if you're a fraud, think you're more human, imagine they might be superior to you. Time for Part 2. I don't want to know. You fake your redemption and we start selling t-shirts. I want 25% and I won't give or receive any hugs.