Managerial Mystic Gifts

"Tell him I'd like to speak to his supervisor."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Team Leader

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'In keeping with the team approach, we've traded you for two middle managers to be named later.'

"Office of quality assurance"

"Helen, is it just the accountant in me, or am I sensing a tone of wistful melancholy and a bittersweet acceptance of the unfathomable mysteries of corporate life in those numbers?"

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

"We call out to you, please reveal yourself, oh Spirit of Innovation."

"Things are getting desperate...we have to do something!"

"Where should we target our advertising dollars? "Hold on, I'm checking my website."

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

'That line means good managerial skills!'

Fortune 500

Change of Management - Fortunes Told

'So, does anyone else have a problem with the way I run this company?'

'I've never seen anyone move so freely between the business world and the spirit world.'

" - This might work, but management will never approve it . . ."

Trojan Horse Threat.

'You'll be having extensive dental surgery...'

'I'm here to work on my company's vision.'

'This is where we bring people we're thinking of hiring as decision makers.'

'I'm thinking of starting a religion. What would be a reasonable initial investment?'

"I think you are meant to delegate"

"most of you have met Higgins. He'll be helping us prepare for the upcoming audit."

'Excuse me -- did you happen to noticed which mountain I fell off of?'

'Apparently, our meetings do meet the legal definition of torture.'

'Sir, do you believe in omens and portents?'

'Hold out - They're going to make a better offer.'

"We met our target of 25% improvement, but that still makes us 100% dead in the water."

"So in conclusion we've decided that you need to do more stuff, but do it better. . . That'll be £439 million please."