Business Mystic Gifts

'I'm here to work on my company's vision.'

"Helen, is it just the accountant in me, or am I sensing a tone of wistful melancholy and a bittersweet acceptance of the unfathomable mysteries of corporate life in those numbers?"

Woman with crystal ball working at an investment company.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Team Leader

'At Tesmer holdings, we don't break the rules! We change them!'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'In keeping with the team approach, we've traded you for two middle managers to be named later.'

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

'I told you, if the LA branch steals our thunder, there is no more dialogue.'

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

'This is where we shed all our inhibitions.'

'I'd trust you anywhere - I think!'

"Wow! Boss! I thought she was a silent partner."

"All right, Thompson. The board concedes that this quarter's economic growth does look very much like a kitty.

"We call out to you, please reveal yourself, oh Spirit of Innovation."

The church of our lady of wall street.

"Things are getting desperate...we have to do something!"

"Where should we target our advertising dollars? "Hold on, I'm checking my website."

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

First I asked myself, "Why did I cross the road?" Then I asked, "Why did I hop on that train?" Then It was, "Why did I buy this suit?" And now I'm like, "Why didn't I fire this guy a long time ago?"

Madame Zola - Bitcoin futures

"I once had a firm foothold in reality, but I found that it seriously undermined my ability to function as a financial market analyst."

"It's not a map of our new oil drilling sites--it's our stock price."

'Fortune 500 Fortunes'

Fortune 500