Manager With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

Dippy secretary.

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

Job complaints on road signs.

'I know it's a lot of money but we can't avoid it any longer.'

'Nothing has come to my attention today and I want to know why.'

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

'After sleeping on it, I've decided not to allow power naps.'

"I'm a big believer in micromanagement."

'Not in here, stupid - I don't need to!'

"Was delegation the only thing you learnt on that management course?"

"We can't offer you a golden parachute, however we do provide a very attractive escape hatch."

'If hired, where do you see yourself with the company in five years?'

Think Small.

Micromanage / Nanomanage

Regional manager Dan Blunquist introduces a disgruntled employee to his new open-door policy.

"Being a CEO is a bit like being a football manager, you get paid a huge amount to be a catastrophic failure, then you get an humongous pile of cash when they make you redundant before you go somewhere else to start over again."

'I hate this constant atmosphere of always worrying about meeting a deadline.'

"See these? Never touched a keyboard."

'There's been another management shake-up. The former global sales manager is now head of Europe, and the old head of engineering is now head of purchasing.'

"We're going to cut out the expensive, boring stiff and just build the top."

"Mumford! I thought you were killed instantly."