Mall Prowler T-Shirts

"The bank wanted to verify your purchase because it's the kind of outfit you obviously can't pull off."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Customer Convention

Island of Lost Guys.

"If at first you don't succeed, buy, buy again."

"This planet doesn't stand a chance."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'Next on 'evening shouting match'...is it a bull or bear market?'

"I'll try them on at home. You can just return what doesn't fit."

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

"We're on our way to the mall to do some off-line shopping."

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

You are Here. We know where you've been.

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

Greek in gallery with Greek statues

Mall of ages

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

Mall 'maze' directory bewilders shopper.

"Sorry, I'm late. I didn't realize how much credit you had on your card."

'When it comes to shopping, not only does the buck stop here, but so do the fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"I shop to forget what I bought last year."