Mall Trooper T-Shirts

'May day! May day! We have a disgruntled husband at the information desk!'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

High security Santa's grotto

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Lanes Closed for the Hell of It

"I'll try them on at home. You can just return what doesn't fit."

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

You are Here. We know where you've been.

Mall 'maze' directory bewilders shopper.

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'Would you stop with the Twitter alerts already? I'm standing right behind you.'

Mall of ages

'When it comes to shopping, not only does the buck stop here, but so do the fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds.'

"Sorry, I'm late. I didn't realize how much credit you had on your card."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

"Now hold on just a minute! Salad - fine! Chick flix - fine! But I draw the line on video games!"

Mall Ahead - Be prepared to shop.

'That's not the northern lights! It's new strip mall!'

'Spending and consuming - that's my kind of patriotism.'

'You must have something in my size?'

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

She left him to go find herself. It only took 20 minutes, which was sort of embarrassing, so she decided to hang out at the mall for a while.

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

"I don't know...it's just not you."

'We have to move again -- I've worn out all the banks in town.'