Mall Prowler Pillows

"The bank wanted to verify your purchase because it's the kind of outfit you obviously can't pull off."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

"This planet doesn't stand a chance."

Customer Convention

"If at first you don't succeed, buy, buy again."

Island of Lost Guys.

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'Next on 'evening shouting match'...is it a bull or bear market?'

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"We're on our way to the mall to do some off-line shopping."

"I'll try them on at home. You can just return what doesn't fit."

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

You are Here. We know where you've been.

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'When it comes to shopping, not only does the buck stop here, but so do the fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds.'

'Would you stop with the Twitter alerts already? I'm standing right behind you.'

Mall of ages

Mall 'maze' directory bewilders shopper.

"Sorry, I'm late. I didn't realize how much credit you had on your card."

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'