Mall Meanderer T-Shirts

Escalator out of order, use banister

Carefree luggage.

High security Santa's grotto

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

More Reasons To Beware Of Dog

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"I shop, therefore I am."

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

"This planet doesn't stand a chance."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'Turn we women loose in the malls - that'll stimulate the economy.'

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

'There's more than one kind of deficit.'

Man sees where he's at and he's 'Where It's Not At'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"They came up with a new class of anti-depressants that will inhibit compulsive shopping."

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

'You're the first person to ask for a shopping hour in addition to a lunch hour.'

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

Hunter-Gatherers, North America, Late 20th Century

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

'Everything must go...manners included!'

"My husband's suing me for mall practice."

'I'm going to need backup on two. 'The situation' is escalating.'

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'