Mall Meanderer Pillows

Escalator out of order, use banister

Carefree luggage.

High security Santa's grotto

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

More Reasons To Beware Of Dog

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"I shop, therefore I am."

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

"This planet doesn't stand a chance."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

'There's more than one kind of deficit.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'Turn we women loose in the malls - that'll stimulate the economy.'

Man sees where he's at and he's 'Where It's Not At'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"They came up with a new class of anti-depressants that will inhibit compulsive shopping."

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

Hunter-Gatherers, North America, Late 20th Century

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

'You're the first person to ask for a shopping hour in addition to a lunch hour.'

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

'Everything must go...manners included!'

What's this about? The recession is devastating chain stores. Save our mall. They're the lifeblood of teen culture as we know it. What are your solutions? We're having a massive shop-in this Saturday! Shop 'til you drop. Big $$. Like a day of service? Exactly! But you'll feel even better about yourself.

"My husband's suing me for mall practice."