Male Grooming Expert Gifts

'You're right, it probably gives too close a slave.'

Al has a bad hair day.

"I noticed a few browns."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

Lesser known greek gods,

Bathing the dog

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Be creative...!"

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Dating is so expensive...

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

Movember

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"Nice haircut."

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"Wow, what a DILF."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

The Cat Spa

Hair Traffic control.

'Have you had a brazilian?'

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.