Makeup Maestro Pillows

"Beauty comes from within."

'With all these new surveillance cameras around town, I'm not going anywhere without full-make-up.'

Husband concerned about being late whilst wife has plastic surgery.

'I never seem to have enough time to put on my make-up in the mornings.'

"Taxi's waiting."

'You're pretty good at coloring within the lines, Mom.'

Make-Over By Numbers.

'They could use a great camouflage expert like you in the army, Mom.'

'You're pretty good at coloring in the lines, Mom.'

Beauty is only spin deep

"Are we at the undercoat stage yet, or is this still the primer?"

"I have the smokey eyes look. Can the doctor still give me an eye exam?"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

Your Guide to Winning Movember

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

Curling your hair for no reason

"Who's a pretty girl now?"

Hair Traffic control.

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

Alien Beauty Magazine