Mailing Maven Pillows

People wait in line at the post office; a poster on the wall advertises "New! You face on a stamp! $50".

Next Year's Postal Service Marketing Campaign.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure you're single-handedly keeping the U.S. postal service in business."

USPS: Delivery Cuts

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

Apples for sale

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"#Win!"

Creative department

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Direct Marketing...

"Business is booming! Come in and see our explosive sales today!"

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"I don't have to be a team player, Crawford. I'm the team owner."

Trade Show Sherpas

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

'I think it's time to rein in Henderson.'

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'