Mailing Maven T-Shirts

People wait in line at the post office; a poster on the wall advertises "New! You face on a stamp! $50".

Carrier Pigeons

Next Year's Postal Service Marketing Campaign.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure you're single-handedly keeping the U.S. postal service in business."

USPS: Delivery Cuts

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

Apples for sale

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"#Win!"

Creative department

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Direct Marketing...

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"I don't have to be a team player, Crawford. I'm the team owner."

Trade Show Sherpas

Corporate Team Building. Team. Hey, everybody, I've just been told our CEO fled the country while we've been doing our truth exercises.

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Business is booming! Come in and see our explosive sales today!"

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

'I think it's time to rein in Henderson.'

"Just go with the workflow."

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'