Magical Mixes Pillows

'The cauldron is just for the sauce - I do the rest in my microwave.'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

Summertime.

"She's my hero. Life gave her lemons and she came up with pomegranate cranberry lemonade."

The eye of newt - Is it gluten-free?

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

'..and one for the pot.'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

'Ah, here's your problem - all this spaghetti is real spaghetti.'

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Congerto Number One, first movement."

'Really, Bob, the Wine Fairy?'

Eskimo putting fake snow on his Christmas tree

'This is taking forever. We should've just microwaved it.'

"What the hell was in that?!"

Wow. That WAS a lot faster.

"Ah-sod it! I think I'll get a takeaway instead..."

"Bloody Cyclops!"

"You may be asking for trouble, Ernie."

Magic Potion Micro-Brewers

'Yes, I'm ready for Pesach, but you know, matzah just doesn't attract the children like gingerbread.'

'Are you going to bowl or are you going to peek into the future?'

'We'll be right back after these important messages.'

Barman has Psychiatry diplomadegreecertificate.

THE WILKINSON SWORD AND THE STONE

Witching Hour

'Eye of newt, toe of frog, ear of bat and tongue of dog - everything but bloody coffee!'

Magic Potion Micro-Brewers

"It's one of those microbrews."

Forget the potions. This Halloween I'm working on a vaccine.

"Didn't you want to plant a tree with our grandchild?"

Recently discovered music compositions: Mozart's quartet for harpsichord, viola, banjo and ghetto blaster.

"Now that's she mastered martinis, let's move on to daquiris."

"Do you know how to make a fly-juice Martini?"