Magical Mixes Pillows

'The cauldron is just for the sauce - I do the rest in my microwave.'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

Summertime.

"She's my hero. Life gave her lemons and she came up with pomegranate cranberry lemonade."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

'..and one for the pot.'

'Ah, here's your problem - all this spaghetti is real spaghetti.'

'Really, Bob, the Wine Fairy?'

Eskimo putting fake snow on his Christmas tree

'This is taking forever. We should've just microwaved it.'

"What the hell was in that?!"

"Ah-sod it! I think I'll get a takeaway instead..."

Magic Potion Micro-Brewers

"Bloody Cyclops!"

"You may be asking for trouble, Ernie."

'Yes, I'm ready for Pesach, but you know, matzah just doesn't attract the children like gingerbread.'

'Are you going to bowl or are you going to peek into the future?'

'We'll be right back after these important messages.'

THE WILKINSON SWORD AND THE STONE

"It's one of those microbrews."

Barman has Psychiatry diplomadegreecertificate.

'Eye of newt, toe of frog, ear of bat and tongue of dog - everything but bloody coffee!'

Magic Potion Micro-Brewers

Witching Hour

Forget the potions. This Halloween I'm working on a vaccine.

"Didn't you want to plant a tree with our grandchild?"

Recently discovered music compositions: Mozart's quartet for harpsichord, viola, banjo and ghetto blaster.

"Now that's she mastered martinis, let's move on to daquiris."

"Do you know how to make a fly-juice Martini?"