Maggot Managers Pillows

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"He likes it."

Team Leader

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

Mittens is challenged by the string.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'If you don't chill out, you are definitely heading for a meltdown...!'

Why would birdie need newspaper?

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

Dogs life

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Thank God you're home. Someone crapped on the carpet again."

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'This is impressive, Roberts, but I'm not sure that it qualifies as work-place leadership.'

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

Two children play with a pedal bin

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."