Maggot Managers Pillows

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"He likes it."

Team Leader

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Mittens is challenged by the string.

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

'If you don't chill out, you are definitely heading for a meltdown...!'

Why would birdie need newspaper?

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

Dogs life

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Thank God you're home. Someone crapped on the carpet again."

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'This is impressive, Roberts, but I'm not sure that it qualifies as work-place leadership.'

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

Two children play with a pedal bin

'The part I love is when they come home and say 'WHO did this?. . .'

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'