Macho Facade Breaker Pillows

Toxic Masculinity

"Of course I know how to use a chainsaw!"

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

Macho talk from down in accounting.

Important Muscles.

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

Soldiers' Ego

Alpha males through the ages!

"Look, Papi...you need to take care of yourself. You don't have to be macho and proud and scared of being weak!"

"This is all my own hair."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

"Wanna come over and watch the big game?....I was actually talking about the new 'Pac-Man vs. Superman' X-box game."

"One last question, Berlinger. Is it just you, or is the whole damn Accounting Department shot full of steroids?"

'I looked into their eyes before I shot them, with my high-powered rifle, from half a mile away.'

Man with many tattoos.

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

"Football and hunting - what more could you ask for?"

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

Before you brag to your buddies about how you ate the worm at the bottom of a bottle of tequila, I should tell you that you really are the larval from of the moth Hypopta Agavis, which is, of course, a far less macho thing to do. Nobody likes a bartender who went to college.

"Come on. One more. You got it..." "It's so cute when they do that."

Seriousness Institute.

'That's a good start, Betsy, but could you make it more macho?'

'John's hiding. I expect His wife gave him quiche again for lunch.'

Arm and leg wrestling.

'I want my money back -- I'm still a wuss.'

Bob's new year's resolution was to give up his obnoxious, monstrous, macho streak...he vowed to ditch the leaf blower!

"I recommend the lobster today, sir, if you think you're man enough."

The Men Thing. . .

I have an awful headache. Do you have an aspirin? Not so fast, little buddy. A real man doesn't mask his symptoms with pharmaceuticals. Even if it feels like a jackhammer on his forehead, a real man grits his teeth and bears it. A real man rides it out the way he'd ride out a bucking bronco. Not everything in life is a test of my manhood. A real man would beg to differ.

Soft answer that turneth away wrath bar and grill...formerly, Salty's

'Bad hairy-chest day.'

'Oh yeah? Step outside and say that!'

'In my experience, two types of men order pink squirrels. First, there's the guy who's secure enough about his masculinity that he doesn't care what people think. And then there's the guy like you...'