Machete Mishap Enthusiast Gifts

It was finally decided that the Chinese-made machetes were a poor investment.

The first car accident.

The hall of bad ideas.

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

spellchecker

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

A football referee accidentally shoots his starting pistol in his pocket.

Dyslexic Palm Reading

'I wish McWit would lead a life of quiet desperation.'

"It's not a cummerbund. It's my underpants."

"Oh, no! I typed up all my New Year's Resolutions without saving copies, only to drop them in the shredder by accident! Now I'll never remember them! How clumsy of me! Oh, well!"

Fall Rocks/Deer Crossing

'Paramedic' 'Doctor' 'Clean underpants man'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'You haven't much experience in plant conservation, have you Winthorpe?'

"Michael Bolton at Folsom Prison"

Rental Car Return. By the way, the airbags worked great!

"I'd like 40 kilos of pain killers, please."

'Oh, no -- not again!'

"Elves, Jerry, I asked for elves."

Big deal - give her the one from that screwball who came in last week.

"That's chemical law for you. No matter how minor the damage claim, our fee is always major."

'Oops sorry, but it is such a big target'

"Go away. I haven't had an accident that wasn't my fault in the last three years."

Man sweeps through newly painted 'entrance' door, knocking over sign painter on the other side.

'Not only the first wheel, the first road accident as well!'

Bumper stickers in the Demolition Derby.

"Did you make all these 911 calls?"

'Can you hang on for half an hour? We're still waiting for the reality TV crew to turn up'

'You're Jack Tinsley, the lawyer? Great, I was just on the way to see you about an accident I had this morning.'

'Machete.'

'Gesundheit, dummy!'

Crash test dummy standing by his car.A sign on it says 'My other car is a write off'.

"Looks like we've broken into the stained glass market."

"It's okay. I've got pet insurance."