Machete Mishap Enthusiast Gifts

It was finally decided that the Chinese-made machetes were a poor investment.

The first car accident.

The hall of bad ideas.

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

spellchecker

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

A football referee accidentally shoots his starting pistol in his pocket.

'I wish McWit would lead a life of quiet desperation.'

Dyslexic Palm Reading

"It's not a cummerbund. It's my underpants."

Fall Rocks/Deer Crossing

'Paramedic' 'Doctor' 'Clean underpants man'

'You haven't much experience in plant conservation, have you Winthorpe?'

"I'd like 40 kilos of pain killers, please."

'Oh, no -- not again!'

"That's chemical law for you. No matter how minor the damage claim, our fee is always major."

Big deal - give her the one from that screwball who came in last week.

"Elves, Jerry, I asked for elves."

"Michael Bolton at Folsom Prison"

'Oops sorry, but it is such a big target'

Man sweeps through newly painted 'entrance' door, knocking over sign painter on the other side.

"Did you make all these 911 calls?"

'Not only the first wheel, the first road accident as well!'

"Go away. I haven't had an accident that wasn't my fault in the last three years."

Bumper stickers in the Demolition Derby.

'Can you hang on for half an hour? We're still waiting for the reality TV crew to turn up'

'You're Jack Tinsley, the lawyer? Great, I was just on the way to see you about an accident I had this morning.'

'Machete.'

"It's okay. I've got pet insurance."

Crash test dummy standing by his car.A sign on it says 'My other car is a write off'.

"Only you could walk into a door at 'doors open'!"

'Gesundheit, dummy!'

"Looks like we've broken into the stained glass market."