Macabre Humor Pillows

It's a wonderful death

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'... And this is my cellar.'

Out To Lurch

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

The practical psychopath

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

End the Winter Blues

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"Housekeeping?!"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"The Eggsorcist"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Zombies.

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

Optimist

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

"Look, I'm dying. Gotta go."