Luxury Critic T-Shirts

"Ted's been down in the dumps since they started giving greed a bad name."

The Red Carpet

Presidential suite.

"Let them sell their Porsches."

'Hi I'm Agnes and I can't stop wearing fur...'

'Looks like her crocodile bag was genuine after all' - friends looking at well-fed crocodile and shoes which are all that is left of their friend.

Pretending To Care

"If we're to squeeze another fifty years out of this planet, we need to convince a lot of nations to give up 'our' way of life."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

'Okay, lifestyles of the rich and famouse, start that motor and get us into some shade.'

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

"I need to increase my salary so I can increase my spending."

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"Everybody comfortable? Got what they want? Know their place?"

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

The Ladies Who Lurch.

Somewhere in France: "I thought I was buying goat cheese. I endedup with a chateau in the Loire."

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

Pam learned the importance of browser support.

"I have my pants put on one leg at a time."

Like most billionaires, Hugh Andrews the third prefers to bowl with crystal pins.

"Port outbound, starboard home."

"We’d like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand for a handbag."

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

Champagne Charlie.

'Remember Nitro, keep the engine running and once we've bagged the bonus cheques you floor the peddle.'

World Exhibition - At the Champs-Élysées - from 3 to 6 o'clock, great exhibition of petticoats

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

'New money or old money?'

Man looking at his shower-bath on a cold morning