Lunar Eccentric Gifts

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

'But I digress...'

Newt sale

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

'Dr. Nackschmerz has a very logical mind.' - 'Yes - in contrast to his body.'

A Macaroni in 1773

How Platypuses Are Born

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

'Going down?'

'First the good news: he has 3 excellent legs.'

'Remember. . . they can smell fear.'

Brian McMahon's hobby? Being hit by as many pro golfers as possible.

11-18-11: The Day Everything Changed

It's from Hillary Clinton. We didn't floss regularly, so now we're going to be extinct.

Benjamin Britten.

"I think we can take him off the shortlist."

"My weasel of an opponent is running a negative campaign, but unlike that dirtbag, I'm taking the high road."

101 uses of a dead cat: shoulder pads

"Why would a gorgeous young thing like you wanna look fifty, darling?"

"Honestly, Harold, no one else but you would put up a poster about a lost sock!"

"I thought we could try some mindfulness exercises to make you less of a goddamn weirdo."

Chicken's playing snooker with eggs,

Eccentrics, Imbeciles, College Students or Other.

Christmas phone gloves

A man with scruffy hair in a hairdressers.

Fishing for boots.