Loyalty Program Collector Gifts

'Of course I have your loyalty card - I'm loyal to every casino in town.'

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward, so that comes to fifty cents.'

You've Got Mail

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

'Fetching your slippers when you were chairman of the board was one thing, but now that you're an ordinary citizen...'

"The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog." - Ambrose Bierce

'And how many frequent flyer miles do you have?'

"Wow, you've got tons of loyalty points. Someone's a good boy!"

'Of course I have your loyalty card - Can you tell me which one it is?'

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

Dog following it's master out of a windows.

Punch Card: 'The next divorce is on me.'

'I'm a frequent flier, so it's really quite cheap.'

'It's not exactly 'cheap' healthcare, but for each test we run, you accumulate frequent-test reward points.'

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

"And if you sign up for our Gold Star membership level we stop pestering you to sign up."

"Would sir be interested in joining my loyalty program?"

"Uh, oh, I forgot this is evaluation day..."

"If you can safeguard this punch card for half a decade, you get a free coffee."

"This is Mr. Simmons, who we enticed away from our chief competitor. Of course, being a proven traitor, he can never be trusted."

The key to a successful customer loyalty program is to make people feel special. Watch and learn. How would you like to join our exclusive VIP Premier Exclusive Best Customer Reward Program? The other key is knowing whom to ask. There's minestrone in your eye.

'Would you like to join our frequent shooter club?'

"Rex, I've always admired your loyalty to the firm."

My latest invention is genius. It's an affinity card for our best customers. That's not a new idea. Airlines, rental car agencies, hotels … They all have loyalty programs where you can earn discounts and special treatment. Spare me. Ours has a way better name: The Cafe Exclusive VIP Premier Executive Best Customer Reward Program. And we don't trouble customers with confusing discounts and benefits. All hail the VIP premier cheapskate.